Her Love Was Deep,
But Her Pain Was Deeper
by Tom Atterberry © 04/ 02

It was mid June and the rains had poured down now for three days and nights.
Many out lying areas were seeing flooding already. Our little community had
piled up as many sand bags as they could along the rivers edge. We hoped we
were prepared, but were still making ready for the worst. On the forth day
the rain stopped. You could see people dancing in the dirt streets, and
singing praises. We had a small meeting at the town council, a make shift
office in the church at the end of town.

A young lady by the name of Myrna was praised for her help and effort and
her donations. She stood and said thanks and just vanished after that. I
had never seen her before. I asked about her and got the same answer from
all. "She is kind of touched you know. She doesn't talk much. Stays
to her self most of the time."

I thought to myself this needed further investigation. I went out to the old
farm house where they said she lived, taking with me a basket of fruit. She
answered the door with "You are not wanted here! I don't need your charity!"
and slammed the old ragged screen door.

The following week there had been many funnels sighted all around the area,
and a severe storm warning was in effect for our area. Around three AM one
of the funnels ripped through Clay, a small town about ten miles away, and
just left total ruin. I went there to help that morning. People were helping
others and many were huddled in groups on their knees crying and praying. Out
of the corner of my eye I saw that lady again. She was giving coffee and
offering blankets to those that had been wiped out by the funnel. I tried to
talk to her but she just ran in the other direction. I had made up a big
barbecue at home with what money I could spare, and offered it to the hungry.

The next day I had to pull out for a long run up the East coast with the
trucking company I worked for. All along the blacktop I thought about this gal,
always helping, but never taking any help on her own. Over the next few weeks
the weather seemed to clear, but we soon learned that it was the calm before
the big storm. On July tenth at 9:30 PM a level four twister hit us and even
with warning we were devastated. Thirteen people were found dead and many were
missing. I searched through the rubble of my old house and collected a few
articles. Pictures and trinkets mostly. I was one of the lucky ones I suppose.
I had been out of town when the twister hit.

I went around helping people the best I could. We went to an old motel. There
were some rooms still standing, so we made it like a headquarters. I drove into
Burley, seventy miles away, and brought back some supplies. While I was there I
zapped the ATM for what I could afford and bought food, blankets and some rubber
boots for what I could manage.

I noticed in all the events of the next twenty-four hours that the loner was not
about. I began to ask about her and was told her place was wiped totally away in
the wind. I drove out to where her place used to be but only found gnarled,
up-rooted trees, that had been snapped like twigs. There was litter strung about
and a piece of foundation where her house once stood. As I began to walk away I heard
what I thought was a moan coming from a patch of mud and grass down by the rivers
edge. I looked, and after digging a short distance, there she was! She was entirely
coated in mud, cold and barely alive. I took her back to the motel and got into the
emergency water supply from our stash and cleaned her up. I put some clean clothes on
her and wrapped her in blankets. Then I cooked her some soup over an outside fire we
had made. She kept muttering "Why do you help me, after I treated you like I did?"
I told her she was a human being and deserved help just as anyone else.

She finally fell asleep and slept for over twelve hours. I doctored her scrapes and
cuts and waited for to wake up. I had made some sandwiches and more soup awaiting
for FEMA and the Red Cross to arrive. As the time went on she started to come around
more. She finally came to about 8 AM. She started to remind me about what the towns
people were saying about her. She asked, "Do you believe what all the town said about
me?" I asked, "What was that?"
"That I am touched in the head."
"Sure, I believe you are touched! You are touched with love enough to help others but
also by a deep dark loneliness that no one has been able to reach into" I replied.
"And I suppose you think You're The One to pull me out of this hole, huh?"
"Well, I don't know about that. But I sure would like to do my best to help."
She replied, "First you tell me why you're so interested in a nothing like me?"
I said" You eat your food and I will tell you just what I see."
She said, "I have had a rough and rocky life, and I don't see any reason to empty my
regrets over past afflictions on another soul. I just help people if I can."
"I watch you help people," I said. "Yet you never take anything in return."
"I see in there somewhere {pointing at her heart} a very caring person trying to emerge
from a wall of bitterness."
"So, who are you? A shrink or something?" she asked.
"No, I am just a guy who has been through the knot hole of life and my hide received
many a splinter along the way. But, I tried to go on with my life in such a way that
the wounds did not become infected and fester up with such a hate as to turn away
from those who might actually care."

Within the coming months the town pitched in to rebuild her house. She was totally
amazed at the people and their kindness. They told her she had helped so many, it
was their turn to repay her kindness. She stayed with an old widower down the way
until the structure was completed. I dropped by from time to time to see how she was
doing. One evening I came across a man giving away shepherd pups and thought I might
bring her one. She took the pup in her arms and coddled it like a new born baby, and
began crying and ran out side. The old lady said, "Follow her ya dummy! She needs to
release her sorrows right now!" I ran after her.

After a few minutes she began to open up to me about her childhood and the terrible
past she had held in so long. She told me her mother was an alcoholic and used to beat
her badly when she was little. She said her younger sister was beaten so badly that she
died of complications in the hospital. I hung my head thinking... and I thought I had a
rough life! She asked "Do you really want to hear this?"
I said "Sure, please continue."
"My dad went to prison when I was nine years old. He came home from work and found
Mom with another man, and saw my face had been all beaten up. He went crazy and
when he was done the man was dead and so was Mom. He died in prison when I was
18," she continued, "From a beating by one of the other inmates, they say. I was
raised in foster care. I moved to California when I was twenty-three. I was working
at a restaurant as a waitress, and one night when I got off I was beaten pretty badly
and raped. I was just beginning to come out of my shell when all that happened. I
stayed pretty much to myself for a couple of years. One of my friends, who died last
year in a storm, talked me into coming to this town. I just cannot bring myself to
really open up and get close to anyone here." I told her, "But you always seem to be
there when others need your help. So,in a way this is the show you make to reveal your
true inner self."

I told her about how I had lost many friends in Vietnam, and was a nut case for a
long time. "I use to jump when cars back fired. I kept a gun underneath my pillow.
I once shot a cat in the window while waking up from a bad dream. I started opening
up and got me a pet. I took him with me everywhere I went. He died a few years back
and I realized all people eventually die. We must do what we can while we are here,
for that clock stops for no one." I told her that 'self exile' is not the answer.
" Even if you love someone and they die at least you knew love once and they knew
it as well." She told me she would try to get better about that, because the
"Opening up of people to rebuild her home had really made her start to think."

During one of my visits with her she asked,
"Why are you a solo act anyway?
I am sure someone has been interested in you at one time or another."
Sure I was married for almost ten years and I was very lucky indeed. I had a home
and a beautiful wife as well as a young boy to call my own. She had him from a
previous marriage, but as far as I was concerned he was mine."
"Well, what happened," she asked?
"A drunk driver took them from me. I fell into depression and it would have been
that way now except for some of my closer friends who finally made me see the light."
She seemed to understand exactly how I had felt in the past.

After about six months of meetings and socializing these two had decided that the
empty road was enough. They decided to get engaged. Many were for the union but
others were very skeptical about the whole thing. Finally one day he just up and
told his friends "If you want to be my friends that is fine, if not well that is
just fine too." One in particular he had known since childhood kept taunting him,
saying "Man, that girl is mental dude." Well, he soon became an ex-friend and left
with his pride extremely hurt.

After a year of courtship they had their marriage in the same church she had
helped to rebuild several times in the past. And there was shock upon both
their faces when it seemed that most of the town showed up at the ceremony.
Even the ex-friend Joe, with his sagging pride, made the festivities. Maybe
finally now the hurt could have a chance to mend in her heart. And just before
the end of the ceremony he stood up before the community to declare that
"For all of you that have stated that my wife is touched, you are right!
She is touched by the greatest affliction there is, Love!" And,if there
were more of it circulating in this world we wouldn't have the problems we do."

They kissed and drove off for their honeymoon. They went to New Orleans and took a
paddlewheeler down the Mississippi. They have been married nine years and counting,
and have since adopted two boys. Along with four dogs and six cats, as well as
their other farm animals that they raise and care for. And whenever there is a need
in the community, you can almost set your clock by their arrival on the scene.