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Final Call |
Chapter 2 |
Song Title: Against All Odds (Take a Look At Me Now)
Written by: Phil Collins
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How can I just let you walk away
Just let you leave without a trace?
When I stand here taking every breath with you
You're the only one who really knew me at all.
~*~*~*~*~*~*
People on the train had been relatively quiet but were now starting to get impatient. No one knew why they had stopped so suddenly.
Dave was trying his best to engage Elaine in conversation but wasn't having much luck. She was polite, but distant and aloof. He finally gave up and focused in on what Carter was saying to Lucy.
"So this is it? You're just up and leaving?"
Lucy shrugged her shoulders. "Pretty much. I've been considering it for a while. It's not a sudden decision."
"It seems sudden," Carter muttered. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"
She had to look away and wasn't able to give an immediate answer. "I don't know," she said finally. "I guess we haven't talked much lately. You're always so busy."
"Well yeah but, we've always been able to talk..." He let the sentence hang in mid-air. That wasn't quite true. When they had first started working together, they'd found it quite difficult to communicate. All sorts of misunderstandings had led to tension between them. But things had started to change after they'd spent a day searching together for a patient's father. They had come to understand each other a lot better that day and started to work well together. They'd gotten close. During breaks they'd often grabbed a snack together, talking on the roof or sitting in the cafeteria.
He had opened up to her about a lot of things; private matters that he usually didn't discuss. His brother's leukemia. His lonely childhood. His heartbreak over Anna's departure.
She in turn talked about growing up without a father. The hardship of watching her mother struggle to make ends meet when she was a child.
But Lucy was right. They hadn't been talking lately. When had things changed? Maybe it had started after his break up with Roxanne. He remembered being irritable and slightly depressed afterwards. He didn't miss Roxanne or regret his decision, but he'd spent a lot of time wondering why the relationship hadn't worked out. It seemed that none of his relationships ever worked out. He recalled that Lucy had tried to talk to him about it but he'd pushed her away. Eventually she had stopped trying and they'd gone back to their old routine of merely being co-workers in the ER.
And now she was leaving. Why was it that all the women he truly cared about abandoned him? Abby, Anna, Elaine, and now Lucy. He wanted to shout, 'Don't go!' but instead just sat there, lost in thought.
Lucy stared out the window, gazing at the nearby buildings but not really seeing them. She periodically stole glances in Carter's direction. She was starting to feel like she needed to justify her decision. But she really shouldn't feel that way. She simply wasn't happy here, that's all.
"Why?" Carter blurted out.
"That's what I wanna know," Dave chimed in.
"Do you mind?" Carter spoke with exasperation. He could only handle Dr. Dave in small doses. "This doesn't really concern you."
"Sure it does." Dave leaned back against one of the metal poles. He then spoke directly to Lucy. "We've only known each other a few months but I like you, Lucy. I'll miss you."
That wasn't what she was expecting to hear, but it was certainly nice. "Thanks," she said, almost shyly. "I'll miss you too." She said the words automatically out of politeness but then realized it was true. He was sometimes abrasive and yes, even annoying, but he had a good heart.
Everyone stopped talking as the voice of the El's driver came through the intercom speakers. He apologized for the delay, explaining that there was a broken down train further ahead. He'd been told to stop their train until further notice. A murmur swept through the car, as people sighed in annoyance and complained to each other.
"Can't we just back up to where we got on?" Elaine asked.
"There's probably a couple trains behind us," Dave replied. "They might start backing us all up if they can't get the broken one moving."
Carter suddenly stood up. "I need to stretch my legs," he murmured. He walked to the back end of the car without looking at any of them.
Elaine watched him walk past, then turned to Lucy. "I'm Elaine Nichols, by the way. We've never been introduced."
"Lucy Knight."
"You're a doctor at County Hospital?"
"Not yet. Fourth year med student."
"I'm a second year resident."
This came from Dave. Elaine briefly glanced at him but turned her attention back to Lucy. With what sounded like a small snort, he stalked away to join Carter.
"What's with your friend?" Elaine asked, her expression amused.
"Oh, he's harmless. Basically he's a good guy. Just a little obnoxious." Lucy had to smile. Dave was obviously enamoured with Elaine.
"I know it's none of my business, but you might want to reconsider leaving."
Lucy raised an eyebrow. "Why would you say that?"
"I've gotten to know John pretty well. I can see that he...looks at you a certain way. I was watching his reaction when you said you were moving to Boston. I've never seen him look so desperate before."
"Desperate?" Lucy searched her memory, trying to recall Carter's expression. He had certainly looked surprised, but desperate? "Are you sure?"
"Oh yes. Believe me, he didn't react like that when I told him I was leaving for Europe. There's definitely something there."
"I don't know..."
"Well, how do you feel about him?"
Lucy blinked. "I, um...well, I'm not sure. Sometimes he drives me crazy but other times..."
"Other times?" Elaine gently prodded.
"Nothing. I guess I really don't know how I feel."
And that was the truth. Maybe that was part of the reason why she was leaving. She was running away from her feelings. But there were other factors too.
For one, she'd been hugely disappointed when Dr. Weaver, a woman she greatly respected, had suddenly refused to be her mentor. Everything had been set and then she'd come up with some lame excuse for not doing it. Something about not wanting to show favouritism. It seemed like a load of bull to her. She felt that Dr. Weaver must not like her.
Then there was the matter of the attitudes of other doctors and nurses towards her. She freely admitted that she'd made some grave errors when she'd first started in the ER, but she'd more than made up for them. No matter how well she was doing now, she always felt they were just waiting for her to screw up. There really wasn't anything concrete she could point to but she didn't feel comfortable working there anymore.
"Why are you telling me this?" Lucy questioned. "Haven't you and Carter been seeing each other?"
"Yes, but it's not serious. We had fun together and he helped me through a bad time. He's a real gentleman."
"He can be. But sometimes he can be a real jerk." The words slipped out before she could stop them, and she quickly looked at the older woman. Elaine raised her eyebrows slightly but she didn't comment.
Lucy could name a few instances when Carter's behaviour had been less than gentlemanly. But the one that stood out the most for her was his lack of support in her battle with Ritalin. She had thought they'd been getting along well; would even go so far as to say they'd become friends. Certainly, they'd had some thoughtful conversations together. Both of them had opened up about painful aspects of their pasts, even finding similarities in their difficult childhoods. So it had been a real slap in the face to her when he'd acted so uncaring towards her request for a little understanding with regards to the Ritalin.
When she'd first tried to stop taking those little pills, her life quickly became a mess. It had really horrified her that she'd become so dependent on the drug. Finding no support with Carter, she'd gone to Dr. Meyers for advice. He'd helped her get off the pills gradually and for the past three months, she'd been totally clean.
Even if Elaine was right and Carter did have feelings for her, she wasn't sure if that would make a difference anymore. A few months ago, it might have but now...well, she just didn't know. Besides, she couldn't base everything on a hunch that Elaine had. She would have to hear the words from Carter himself.
***************
How can you just walk away from me
When all I can do is watch you leave?
'Cause we shared the laughter and the pain
And even shared the tears
You're the only one who really knew me at all.
~*~*~*~*~*~*
"What's up, doc?"
Carter didn't even turn his head. "You're so cute, Dave."
"I try." Dave regarded him curiously. "What's with you? You're acting real strange."
Carter almost sighed out loud. He'd found a nice, quiet corner on the train and had been trying to figure things out. He didn't like being intruded upon.
"I'm really not in the mood for talking." He continued to gaze out the window, doing his best to ignore Dave's presence.
"Are you that upset about Lucy leaving?"
Carter finally turned his attention to the source of his annoyance. "Back off, Dave. I'm serious." His eyebrows were drawn together, emphasizing his pensive frown.
"All right, geez! Don't get your boxers in a knot. I swear, I'll just stand here and won't say a word. But I'm not going back there." Dave jerked his head sideways. "Your girlfriend and Lucy are having a woman to woman talk."
"They are?" Carter leaned back slightly, craning his neck to get a better look. The two women indeed seemed to be engrossed in conversation. "About what?"
"Thought you didn't want to talk to me," Dave pointed out dryly. He couldn't help smirking a little at Carter's pained expression.
"Dave..."
"What? Relax, Carter. I have no idea what they're talking about. Elaine isn't too friendly, is she."
Carter didn't respond to that remark. He kept peeking around Dave's head, wondering what on earth Lucy and Elaine could be talking about. He had the sinking feeling he was probably the subject of conversation.
"So why do you think Lucy didn't tell anyone she was leaving until the last minute?" Dave asked.
Carter tore his gaze away from the two women and looked at him blankly. "What?"
Dave sighed and repeated the question. Carter shrugged, suddenly uncomfortable. "Beats me," he finally replied.
"Come on, you must have some idea," Dave insisted.
"I really don't," Carter snapped.
"Fine."
Fed up with everyone, Dave walked a few paces away and sat down by himself.
Relieved to be left alone, Carter returned to his thoughts. He'd been trying to decide what to say to Lucy. His instinct told him to convince her to stay. But when he tried to determine why he wanted her to stay, his insides churned into a confused ball. He was probably overanalysing things, as he tended to do.
He found himself thinking about the anniversary of Bobby's death last year. He and Lucy had gone to Doc Magoo's for a milkshake after their shift. She hadn't realized the significance of the event until he'd told her about Bobby's last day.
Growing up, the two brothers had been close and had gotten along well. He wasn't sure how it started, but somehow it had become a tradition for them to stop by a local diner every Friday after school for milkshakes. Strawberry for Carter and chocolate for Bobby. They'd had some meaningful chats there and Bobby had often dispensed brotherly advice to his younger sibling.
The final few days of Bobby's life had been spent at home. He hadn't had much energy by then. Though Carter had longed to be with his brother, most of the time he'd been shooed away by his parents. They had told him he would tire his brother out if they spent too much time together.
When Bobby was supposed to have been napping, Carter managaged to sneak into his room. They had talked quietly together and Bobby spoke out loud about his craving for a milkshake. It had been quite a while since they'd gone out for their Friday treat. Carter had immediately gotten on his bicycle and pedaled furiously to the diner. It wasn't far away, and before long he was on his way home with the two drinks placed carefully in the front basket of his bike.
He still remembered that strange, uneasy feeling he'd had upon returning to the house. Even before entering, he'd somehow known his brother was dead. To this day, he couldn't explain it. He had simply known.
Now he couldn't let the day of Bobby's death pass without having a milkeshake. It was rather silly, he readily admitted. But it was a way of remembering his brother and the precious time they'd spent together. And last year at Doc's, he'd shared this story with Lucy. It was something he had never mentioned to anyone else.
Carter stood there for quite a while, unaware of the passing time. He was jolted out of his thoughts when the El driver made another announcement. The broken down train would soon be cleared away and they would begin moving again in a few minutes.
He was running out of time. It wouldn't be long before they arrived at the airport.
***************
So take a look at me now
Well there's just an empty space.
And there's nothing left here to remind me
Just the mem'ry of your face.
~*~*~*~*~*~*
"So what's the weather like in London this time of year?"
"John, you really should talk to her."
"Who?"
"You'll regret it if you don't."
Carter looked back to see Lucy at the ticket counter, signing some forms. Dave had gone home. He'd given Lucy a pat on the shoulder and wished her well before getting off at his stop.
Lucy came walking back towards them now, ticket in hand. "Well, guess I'm all set. We just made it."
"I'm going to head over to my gate," Elaine said. She gave Lucy a small smile. "Good luck, Lucy. I'm glad we talked. Just remember what I said."
"Um, sure. Thank you."
"Excuse us for a second," Carter said, leading Elaine a few steps away. "You don't have to leave yet." He spoke quietly, his gaze intense.
"Yes I do. This is the end for us. But you have the chance to start something new."
For several seconds, they both stood perfectly still. Then Elaine pressed a quick, soft kiss against his lips. "Goodbye John," she murmured. Before she could change her mind, she turned swiftly and strode away without a backward glance.
"Carter, you don't have to wait with me. The gate's right over there."
He looked away from Elaine's retreating figure. "I know, but I want to."
They proceeded to the waiting area by the boarding gate and sat down. The boarding calls for first class and most of economy had already been announced. It wouldn't be long before Lucy would be on the plane.
Carter's right knee started bouncing up and down and he felt fidgety. Getting up, he walked over to the huge window and looked out at the airplanes. After a minute, he returned to sit by Lucy's side. 'Just tell her, you idiot!' he thought. 'Tell her not to go.'
"Lucy..."
"Yes?" She held her breath.
"Uh, are you happy to be going back home?"
She had to consider her answer. "Yes and no. It'll be nice to see my mom and be with old friends again. But in a way, I feel like I've failed here."
"How do you mean?"
"Oh, things just haven't turned out the way I expected," she stated vaguely. She really didn't feel like hashing this out now when her plane was due to leave so soon. Carter obviously didn't have feelings towards her, as Elaine had said. Or at least he wasn't going to be telling her about them. It was time to start looking ahead to a life in Boston.
"Ladies and gentlemen, this is the final boarding call for Flight 101 departing for Boston at Gate 46."
Lucy stood up. "Guess I better go."
"Wait! Don't go," Carter blurted out, jumping to his feet.
Though part of her had been wanting to hear those words, it still surprised her. "Why?"
"I don't know. I mean...I'll miss you."
Lucy waited for him to say more, but that seemed to be it. "Well, I'll miss you too, Carter, but that's life. You'll go back to the ER at County and I'll go back to my life in Boston."
Carter could feel his frustration mounting. How could he make her understand how he felt when he didn't understand it himself? "All I know is, I don't want you to leave," he stated, an urgency in his voice.
She shook her head. "That's not good enough. I need to know why."
He stared at her helplessly.
"Ladies and gentlemen, this is the final call for Flight 101 departing for Boston at Gate 46."
"I've gotta go." She looked into his eyes one last time, wishing she could read their dark depths. "Goodbye John." She turned and walked away. With each step she took, she felt more sure about her decision to leave. It felt right. Maybe she'd be back again someday. Maybe.
***************
I wish I could just make you turn around
Turn around and see me cry
There's so much I need to say to you
So many reasons why
You're the only one who really knew me at all.
~*~*~*~*~*
Carter stood by the window and watched the plane gather speed on the runway. In no time at all, it ascended into the air and disappeared from sight.
She had left because he hadn't been able to find the right words; hadn't been able to express his feelings. He felt rather hollow inside. He hadn't realized that Lucy had been a part of him; hadn't realized it until she'd gone. And now that piece of him was missing.
After several more minutes, he backed away from the window and went home.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So take a look at me now
Well there's just an empty space.
But to wait for you is all I can do
And that's what I've got to face.
Well, take a look at me now
'Cause I'll still be standing here.
And you comin' back to me is against all odds
It's the chance I've got to take.
Completed December 1999
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