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FIRST TIME FOR EVERYTHING |
A Hard Day's Night (Chapter 4) |
"Oh, come on! Just take a look at it." Brad placed the dessert menu in front of Lucy, as she continued to protest.
"Really, I'm too full." She patted her stomach and looked at the remains on her plate. Well, actually, all that remained on her plate was her fork and knife. Every last bit of the delicious manicotti had been eaten up, along with a small loaf of bread. And before that, a house salad, not to mention several glasses of water. She was definitely stuffed. She hadn't eaten this well in quite a while.
She eyed the dessert menu longingly and Brad laughed. "I know you're tempted," he teased.
"Well..." She opened the menu and looked over the selections. "Would you share a piece of tiramisu with me?"
"Share?"
"You know, one piece of cake with two forks."
"Lucy, you're too cute. Two forks it is."
Brad signaled the waiter over and relayed the order. "And I'll have a glass of wine." He gestured towards the empty wine bottle, which the waiter quickly removed from the table. "The same will do."
"Of course, sir. More wine for you as well, miss?" the waiter asked.
"No, thank you." She had only drank about half a glass, herself. She was tired and more wine would make her sleepy. She didn't want to be judgmental, but she didn't think Brad needed another glass. Minus the small amount she'd had, he had drank a whole bottle by himself.
"What's wrong?" Brad asked suddenly.
"What?"
"You're frowning at me." He paused, tracing a pattern on the tablecloth with one finger. "You disapprove of my drinking," he guessed, watching her face carefully.
She didn't answer right away. "I don't think you needed to order that last glass," she said finally.
"Well, I need something to wash down dessert with. Relax, Lucy. It's just wine. I'm not downing shots of tequila here." She remained silent, and he tried to change the subject. "So tell me more about your day. You've been awfully quiet tonight."
"Sorry. I'm just really tired."
"So you've said. I've had a long day too, but you don't hear me complaining," he said, a little testily. Lucy narrowed her eyes at him. She felt that comment had been uncalled-for. "I'll try to refrain from my constant complaining," she said, her tone rather icy.
They didn't speak to one another until dessert arrived. Even then, their conversation was strained. Lucy forced herself to eat a few bites, but she soon gave up. Her appetite was gone.
"I don't want to fight," Brad said quietly.
"Me neither."
This evening had not gone the way she'd planned. She had intended to enjoy herself, but things had started out badly. She had been looking forward to a nap when she got home from the hospital. But the heating in the apartment building had died. She'd tried burrowing under blankets and comforters, but hadn't been able to get any sleep.
Giving up on that idea, she thought she would do a little grocery shopping. She had plenty of time before Brad was due to pick her up. There was a small store nearby that she usually went to, but their selection wasn't that great. A couple of times a month she took the El to a larger grocery store. She'd decided to make that trip today, but for some reason, the El was delayed on her way back. After standing around for twenty minutes, she'd given up on the train and walked home. Forty-five minutes of walking with an armload of groceries had put a damper on her mood. At least the cold snap they'd been experiencing recently had died down. That was something to be grateful for.
So, upon returning to the apartment, she'd realized she had only forty minutes to get ready. The long walk home had made her hot and sweaty, and she had to jump in the shower and wash her hair. She was thankful that she'd gotten her hair cut into a chin-length bob recently. She only needed five minutes with the hairdryer.
Of course, Brad had arrived early. And to his credit, he had refrained from comment as she'd rushed around the apartment like a mad woman. He'd checked the paper for movie times and announced that Scream 4 was the only movie they could see now; unless they wanted to wait around for another hour and a half for a different movie.
Lucy had thought this sounded a little suspicious, since he'd mentioned more than once that he really wanted to see this horror flick. She wasn't too keen on the choice. Frankly, she saw enough blood and gore in the ER, thank you. She didn't need to see it on the big screen. But she'd gone along with it anyway. She'd probably left bruises on Brad's arm from squeezing it in terror so often.
Dinner had been the saving grace of the evening. She loved Italian food, and the pasta had tasted divine. She had finally started to truly relax and enjoy herself. But now things seemed to have gone sour, and she thought it might be her fault. Maybe she *had* been complaining too much lately.
"If you're finished, shall we go?" Brad interrupted her thoughts.
She agreed and Brad asked the waiter for the bill. After retrieving their coats, they made their way down to the underground parking garage. They engaged in some small talk, but there was a strained awkwardness between them.
"I think I should drive," Lucy said, as they reached his car.
"It's not necessary," he said, rather stiffly, as if offended by the suggestion.
"But you drank a whole bottle." This was much more than he usually drank when they went out together. In fact, this was the first time she had ever thought he shouldn't drive.
"I'm not drunk, Lucy." He pulled out the key ring from his coat pocket, disengaging the car alarm and unlocking the doors. "Get in."
"I really think I should drive," she insisted, wondering if he was going to make a big issue out of this.
"Fine!" he snapped, tossing her the keys. Without another word, he got into the passenger seat.
The drive home was a silent one, and Lucy kept glancing over at Brad's sullen profile. This was a side of him she'd never seen before. What had put him in such a mood? Was it because he'd drank more than usual, or was there some other reason?
She turned onto her street and found a parking spot right across from the apartment. Shutting off the engine, she turned to look at him.
"I'll walk up with you," Brad said, not meeting her eyes.
When they reached her apartment door, she didn't immediately get her keys out. "Are you upset with me?" she asked softly. It wasn't that late, but voices tended to carry within the hallways. They shouldn't really be speaking out here, but she wasn't sure whether or not to invite him in.
"No. But maybe we should talk," he murmured, finally gazing down at her.
Lucy hesitated, and then got her keys out. The turning of the dead bolt sounded so loud in the silence, she was sure everyone on the floor could hear it. She placed the keys on a small stand near the door and flicked on the lights, as Brad shut the door behind them. "Hey, at least the heat's back on," she commented. She hung her coat in the closet, while he tossed his on a nearby chair. "Do you want some coffee, or anything?"
"No, I'm fine." He sprawled out on the couch and motioned for her to join him. She sat down beside him and he placed an arm around her, pulling her in tighter.
"You wanted to talk," she said, tilting her head to the side as Brad started nuzzling her neck. Then he moved on to her earlobes. Normally, she would have started melting by now, but tonight she wasn't in the right frame of mind. She turned her head away and placed her hand on his face, forcing him to look at her. "We should talk," she stated more firmly, searching his eyes. They looked dark and unreadable.
"Forget talk," he said hoarsely. He started to kiss her passionately, pushing her lower on the couch. His touch was rougher than usual, and she wasn't enjoying it. She struggled underneath his weight and managed to tear her mouth away from his.
"Stop it!" she gasped, her voice tinged with anger. He ignored her, covering her lips with his own again, and starting to pull at her shirt. He finally released her mouth to kiss her neck, and she protested again. "I mean it, Brad! I don't want to do this." He continued on as if he hadn't heard. Incensed that he wouldn't stop, she freed one hand and raked her fingernails across his cheek.
He yelped, flinching his head back. "Jesus, Lucy!" he cried.
"Get off me." When he didn't move, simply staring down at her in shock, she yelled, "I said get off, Brad!"
He slowly lifted his weight from hers, and she scurried away from him, standing behind the other end of the couch. They were both breathing heavily, but for different reasons.
"What's wrong with you?" he barked, touching his face with tentative fingers.
"Me!" Her voice was incredulous. "What's wrong with you? You say you want to talk, then you practically attack me!"
"You're exaggerating," he muttered, patting the cushion beside him. "Let's talk about this."
"Oh, *now* you want to talk?" Lucy drew in a shaky breath, trying to settle the pounding of her heart. She didn't think Brad would actually hurt her, but she had felt a momentary flash of fear when pinned beneath him; helpless and trapped. She'd had a horrible day at work and this was turning out to be an even worse night. She just wanted this day to be over. "I think you'd better leave."
"What! Come on, I haven't been with you for two weeks!"
"Is that all you can think about?" She really could not deal with this any longer. She opened the door. "I want you to go."
"Lucy, don't do this," he pleaded.
"Get out, Brad!"
"Luce, are you ok?"
Lucy jerked her head around to see Carter standing in front of her doorway, looking concerned.
"Carter!" she exclaimed, confused at first, but then remembering that he had moved in today. "Uh, Brad was just leaving."
Brad rose from the couch, staring at Carter with open hostility. "What the hell is he doing here?"
"I live here," Carter stated coldly, starting to make conclusions about what had gone on here. He had been sitting in his apartment poring over a medical journal, when he'd heard voices coming from across the hall. He'd opened his door a crack and could clearly recognize Lucy's voice, sounding very upset. He had been about to knock on her door when she'd thrown it open, telling Brad to get out.
Lucy was trying to act tough, but he had seen the apprehensive look in her eyes. He'd also seen a spot of blood on the outer corner of her lip. The thought that Brad had hit her made him wild with anger. It took all of his self-control not to run at Brad and punch his lights out; see how he liked being hit.
"Funny, you forgot to mention that to me. How convenient." Brad turned accusing eyes to Lucy. "So that's why you're kicking me out tonight? So you can get it on with *him*?" he sneered.
Lucy felt her cheeks starting to burn. "I won't even dignify that with an answer." She grabbed Brad's coat and threw it at him. "Just get out!"
Brad suddenly switched back to a pleading tone, coming to stand by Lucy. "I didn't mean that. I'm sorry." He reached out to touch her face, but she turned her head away. She then found herself staring at Carter's back as he stepped in front of her.
Carter's voice was low and threatening, as he faced Brad. "Lay a hand on her again and you'll regret it, you son of a bitch."
"This is none of your business," Brad hissed, bristling at Carter's words and behaviour. The guy was right in his face.
"Is everything all right in here?" a hesitant voice asked from the open doorway.
The two men turned to see a middle-aged woman standing there, poking her head in. "I heard shouting," she continued, gazing at them with wide eyes. She stepped inside the apartment. "What have you done with Lucy?"
"I'm right here, Mrs. Norton." Lucy came out from behind Carter and barely managed to give the woman a small, reassuring smile.
"Do you want me to call the police?"
"No, it's all right." Lucy looked at Brad pointedly. "He was just leaving."
Brad shrugged on his coat, glaring at both Carter and Lucy. He left without uttering another word.
"What about him?" Mrs. Norton nodded her head towards Carter.
"Actually, he just moved across the hall from me. Mrs. Norton, this is John Carter."
Carter shook her hand, forcing a smile to his face. "Pleased to meet you."
Mrs. Norton was apparently won over by his charm. "Well, I suggest you get rid of the other fellow and hang onto this one."
Lucy blushed. "It's getting late, Mrs. Norton. I appreciate your concern." She started to nudge the woman towards the door.
"All right, I get the message. I'll leave you two alone." Mrs. Norton chuckled.
"Goodnight!" Lucy called out, before shutting the door. She leaned her forehead against the door with a groan.
Carter regarded her for a moment and then took her hand. "Come on, you should sit down." He led her to the couch.
He disappeared somewhere and she slouched forward, holding her head in both hands.
Carter returned momentarily with a washcloth and bottle of rubbing alcohol he'd found in the bathroom. He knelt down in front of Lucy. "Let me see your face."
She glanced at what he was holding with a puzzled frown. "Why?"
"Your lip's bleeding." After dipping a corner of the washcloth into the alcohol, he dabbed at her mouth. She winced, flinching back slightly. "I could kill that bastard for hurting you," he said quietly, silently berating himself for once liking the guy. He'd certainly been fooled.
Her lip was stinging now. Funny, she had never felt it before. She must have cut it on the edge of her teeth when Brad was kissing her.
"He didn't do it on purpose."
"How can you defend the guy, Lucy?" He got to his feet, clearly agitated. "He's a slimeball! He hit you!"
So that's what Carter thought? That would explain why he was acting so overprotective. "He didn't hit me. It must have happened when he was kissing me."
Carter stared down at her. He didn't know which was worse. "So he was kissing you so hard, he made you cut your lip." He shook his head in disbelief. "Tell me you're not going to keep seeing this guy."
"He was drunk. He wasn't acting like himself."
He felt like shaking some sense into her. "Do you hear yourself? Stop making excuses for him." He sat beside her on the couch. Taking her chin in his hand, he waited until she looked up at him. "You deserve better, Luce."
She stared at him for several seconds before exploding off the couch. "I don't know! I don't know what to think. God, I hate my life!"
She started to pace around the room, her words tumbling out faster and faster. "It used to be exciting. I used to love it in the ER. Felt like I was really helping people, you know? But now I dread going into work. I wonder sometimes if I'm making a difference at all. I know, treat 'em and street 'em, right? And then I get too involved with my patients. Not all of them, but some of them. And it's my own damn fault. I know I shouldn't let it happen."
She paused for breath. She kept moving, but at a slower pace. "There was this girl that came in today. Sarah. I lied to her. Told her she wasn't going to die. I even made a promise." She uttered a short, humourless laugh. "I even prayed to God. And I *never* do that. Never quite believed in Him. I guess He knew it."
"Why don't you sit down." Carter was growing a little worried about her. He'd never seen her so distressed before. He made a lame attempt at a joke. "Watching you is making me dizzy."
She continued on as if he hadn't spoken. "Do you remember Corinna?"
It wasn't a common name, so he could guess who she was referring to. "Sure I do."
Granted, he hadn't thought about her in a long time; not for the last two years. It was a long story, but Corinna was a seven year old girl who'd been brought into the ER after a car accident. She had required surgery but had an extremely rare blood type. The father had the best match for blood, but he'd disappeared. Carter and Lucy had gone searching for him. They'd eventually found him, but by that time, Corinna had been in bad shape. She'd had multi-organ system failure and was in a coma. Corinna had remained in County for a week, and then her mother had taken her back to Cleveland.
"Do you ever wonder what happened to her?" Lucy asked. She had stopped her pacing and now stood very still in the middle of the room.
"I did for a while," Carter admitted.
"I did too. And I just thought about her again today. Sarah looked a little like her. I guess that's why. Remember how naive I was back then? When we finally found Corinna's father, I'd thought 'We did it! We saved her.' But like you said, we were just giving her a chance at life. We'll never know if she came out of that coma. Sometimes, I don't think I've learned anything at all. Like today, with Sarah. It's almost like I wasn't expecting her to die. I couldn't believe it when Dr. Benton told me she was dead. Why is that?"
She closed her eyes and rubbed at her temple. "I'm just so tired. I don't even know what I'm doing anymore."
Her eyes flew open when she felt Carter's arms around her. She stiffened for a moment, then relaxed in his arms, enjoying the comfort and warmth of his body. She rested her cheek against the crook of his shoulder and closed her eyes again.
"I know you're tired. That's why you're feeling so confused." He dropped a kiss on the top of her head. "It's ok, Luce. It's gonna get better. The first year of residency is always the toughest. But you're doing great. You just gotta hang in there." He stroked her back. "And it's ok to care about the patients. It's what makes you such a good doctor. But you've gotta learn where to draw the line. Otherwise, you won't be able to do your job, and it'll just tear you up inside."
"I know." Her voice was muffled against his shirt.
He pulled away from her rather abruptly, and she almost felt abandoned. She wrapped her arms around herself. "You have to promise me something," he said, gazing down at her.
"What?"
"That you'll seriously consider breaking things off with Brad. I don't trust the guy. And neither should you."
She nodded reluctantly. "Yeah, I know. Actually, even before tonight, I was starting to think things weren't working out between us. But he was acting strangely tonight. Maybe something was bothering him."
Carter didn't comment on that. He could see that Lucy was exhausted. "I should get going. It's getting late."
"Ok. Thank you, Carter. For...for everything," she said sincerely.
"Anytime." He bent his head to kiss her on the cheek, and suddenly found himself longing to kiss her mouth. *Oh, man!* This was not good. He had to get out of here. He gave her a quick peck on the cheek and let himself out without a backward glance.
Lucy locked the door and turned out the lights. She brushed her teeth mechanically and quickly changed into her pajamas. She collapsed into bed and finally allowed the stress and exhaustion of the day to overcome her. Bursting into tears, she cried herself to sleep.
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