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Going Fourth |
Scene 3 |
Author's Note: This scene takes place directly after the "Getting To Know You" episode. It is in response to Michelle Hiley's "Going Fourth" Challenge series.
Lucy spotted Carter standing by the elevator and took a breath, hurrying down the hall towards him.
"Dr. Carter! Carter!" she called out, just as the elevator doors opened.
He turned to glance back at her for a moment, then walked into the empty elevator. "Not now, Lucy." He pressed number four. "I'm in a hurry."
Lucy hesitated for a split second, then practically leaped inside as the doors started to shut. She almost got sandwiched between the closing doors, but just barely made it.
Carter looked annoyed. "I told you, not now."
"Yes, now," Lucy insisted, her eyes searching his. "Why can't you be more supportive?"
Carter didn't meet her eyes. He knew what she was referring to. "This isn't a good time," he said quietly, gazing up at the numbers that were lighting up, indicating which floor they were ascending to. Number 2, number 3...
The smooth ride came to a sudden stop and the elevator seemed to lurch slightly. Carter braced himself with one hand against the wall and looked down to see Lucy's small fist over the STOP button.
"What are you doing?" he said indignantly.
"You never have the time for me. Now I'm making the time." There was a challenge in Lucy's tone, and Carter stepped back until he was leaning against the far wall. He crossed his arms in front of his chest.
"Great. This is really mature, Lucy."
For a brief moment, Lucy regretted her impulsive act. She hadn't planned on doing this. But now that she had set this confrontation in motion, she had to carry it through. She gave him a defiant look. "I didn't think you'd take time out of your busy schedule to talk to me, so this was one way to do it."
"That's ridiculous. I make plenty of time for you."
"Sure, you make the time for sarcastic comments or to order me around. You never take the time to explain things to me." Lucy knew this wasn't entirely true, so she quickly added "Well, almost never. I thought things were getting better between us but today, when I told you about the Ritalin..." Her voice trailed off as she tried to gather her thoughts together. She was getting upset all over again and she didn't want to just start rambling. She wanted to make him understand that she needed his support to get off the drug. She couldn't do it alone.
"It's just been a really bad day, with Antoine screwing up his chance at the summer lab," Carter started to say, in a weak attempt at an excuse. Part of him was beginning to acknowledge that Lucy might be right. As her teacher, perhaps he hadn't been giving her the attention she needed. As for the Ritalin, he did understand that it would be tough for her to stop taking the pills. He even realized that he should be more supportive. So what was the problem? He cared for her. She was a good person, and had been a friend to him when he needed someone to talk to. Why couldn't he return the favour?
A sudden thought occurred to him and he almost recoiled from it in disbelief. He was acting like his father. His father had never been supportive of anything he'd done. It stretched all the way back to his childhood, as far back as he could remember. But most recently it had included his decision to become a doctor, to work in the ER instead of becoming a surgeon...even working as an R.A. in the dorms. Whenever he had needed help with something, his father had pushed him away; told him he had to do it on his own. Be a man.
Is that what he was doing with Lucy? Keeping her at arm's length when she needed him the most? Treating her in the same way his father had treated him, all with the misguided notion that this was for his own good? It appeared to be true, and the thought horrified him. He had always vowed that he would never be like his father; that when he had kids of his own, he would show them unconditional love and support. If he couldn't even do this with his med student, what kind of father would he be?
"Is that all you're going to say? 'I've had a bad day, so sorry, but you're on your own'?" Lucy said, almost bitterly.
Carter shifted on his feet uncomfortably and coughed. "Uh...Lucy, maybe you're right. I sometimes do get impatient with you. I've been treating you like..." He was going to mention his father, but stopped. This was getting way too personal. He also realized something else, and was surprised that he hadn't made the comparison sooner. His father and Peter Benton were a lot alike.
"Like what?"
"Like how Benton treated me when I was his student," he continued, deciding it was safer ground to talk about his former teacher. "It always seemed like he didn't have time for me either. He was tough on me, but I learned a lot from him."
"Don't get me wrong, Carter," Lucy spoke up, her eyes never leaving his face. "I've learned a lot from you too and for the most part, you've been a good teacher. But I thought we were friends too, and I don't understand why you can't be more supportive of me in getting off the Ritalin." In a smaller voice, she added "I can't do it alone, and I'm worried about how it's going to affect my work. I already messed up one too many times today."
"You know, Benton once told me that you don't need a friend; you need a teacher. But I'm not Benton. And I think you need both right now."
She looked at him hopefully. "You mean that?"
He nodded. "Yeah, I do. You've been a good friend to me, Lucy. It's my turn to be there for you."
Lucy smiled, feeling a mixture of relief and gratitude. "Thanks."
"Ok." Carter was glad they had reached some sort of understanding. He didn't want to believe that his own experiences had made him unfeeling and uncaring. That's not who he was. "We'll have a good, long talk later on, but for now...I really need to get to four."
"Yeah, of course. Sorry!" Lucy fumbled for the right button and with another lurch, the elevator continued its upward journey.
As the doors opened, he said, "So we'll talk later, ok?" He gave her a reassuring smile as he backed out, almost bumping into someone who impatiently brushed past him to get in.
"Damned elevators always take forever," the man muttered under his breath.
Lucy hid a smile and waved to Carter as the doors slid shut.
Completed August 1999
Feedback always appreciated!
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