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Summer Rain And Roses |
Chapter 5 |
Song Title: Sleepless
Lyrics by: Jann Arden
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Four billion people surround us
So many souls lose their way
All that we have is each other
And that's all I ever wanted
~*~*~*~*~*~*
God was trying to tell her that this was just not meant to be.
Rose continued to stare at the page in her address book, willing the name of an available babysitter to jump out at her. Her regular sitter, Wendy, had bailed at the last minute, leaving Rose to frantically try all the others she had listed in her book. A hopeless case at 6:45 on a Friday evening.
What should she do? She didn't know how to get in touch with John. The only plans they'd made were to meet at Angelo's, an Italian restaurant they both liked.
The more she thought about it, the more convinced she became that this was a sign from above. What had she been thinking? She was insane to even consider getting involved with someone from the Carter family.
"Mommy, what's wrong?"
Rose forced herself to smile as Joshua approached her, a troubled expression on his little face. He placed a comforting hand upon her knee.
"Nothing's wrong, sweetie."
"You look sad."
"I'm not," she assured him. Getting up from the stool at the kitchen counter, she closed the address book with a snap of the wrist. "Would you go turn off the TV, please? We're going for a ride."
The only solution she could come up with was to take Josh with her to the restaurant, apologize to John, then turn around and come back home. Well, perhaps not straight home. She anticipated a stop at McDonald's along the way.
She wondered if she should go upstairs and change. It had taken her the better part of the day to run through a mental inventory of her clothes, trying to decide what to wear on this first date. She'd managed to narrow it down to two choices and had planned to try both of them out after coming home. Upon rummaging through her closet, she'd realized that one of the potential outfits was at the dry cleaners. And so she'd slipped on the red, sleeveless dress that was modestly cut but made of a soft material that seemed to float when she walked. She never failed to feel utterly feminine in this dress.
Now that she'd be meeting John only to cancel their plans, she felt rather silly being all dressed up. But she would rather feel foolish than keep him waiting any longer than he had to.
The decision made, she grabbed her purse and called out to Joshua, telling him to hurry.
***************
Absently realizing that he was drumming one finger in a continuous beat on the tablecloth, John withdrew the hand onto his lap. His other hand gripped a tall glass and raising it to his lips, he drained the last of the beer.
The day had been tiring and he was finally starting to unwind and relax. Since Gamma had mentioned that no one had stayed in the carriage house for over a year, he'd anticipated it would require major labour to make it liveable again. He'd been wrong. Walking in the door with an armful of rags and cleaning solutions, he'd found the place practically spotless. Gamma obviously had one of the staff maintaining it on a regular basis for use at a moment's notice.
Kevin kept insisting that there was no rush to vacate his apartment but now that the decision had been made, John wanted to move on as quickly as possible. He'd spent the better part of the day packing up his belongings into boxes. While he didn't have a huge amount of stuff, it certainly wouldn't fit into his Jeep. Luckily, one of the building managers had been kind enough to offer the use of his pickup truck. John figured a couple of trips with the truck would get the job done. That was the plan for tomorrow morning.
John's gaze wandered around the busy restaurant and he ignored the compelling urge to check his watch again. He guessed that five minutes had passed since he'd last looked at the time. She was just late, that's all. No need to be worried. And yet he couldn't help hearing the little internal dialogue in his head.
Maybe he was being stood up. No, she wouldn't do that to him. Would she? She'd probably changed her mind. Perhaps Kevin had told her some horror stories about him. Maybe she'd been in an accident.
"I am so, so, sorry I'm late!"
John blinked, looking up to find her there before him; a lovely vision of vibrant red and upswept curls. He responded to the earnest and apologetic expression on her face with a smile, rising to his feet. "It's okay. I'm just glad you're here. Have a seat." Gesturing towards the chair, he spotted Joshua peeking out from behind her legs.
Before he could make a comment, Rose rushed into an explanation. "My sitter cancelled at the last minute and I couldn't find anyone else. I just came over here to apologize and let you know what happened. Could we make plans for some other time?"
"But you're here now. You weren't thinking of turning around and leaving, were you?"
A little taken aback, it took her a second to find her voice. "Well, yes, actually. I just assumed, uh, with my son here..."
"You've gotta eat, right? Josh, are you hungry?"
Joshua had ventured out a little further from behind Rose, the index finger of one hand worrying his lower lip. In answer to John's question he merely nodded, apparently overcome by shyness once again. But he kept a steady gaze on John's face, watching his every move.
"Well, that settles it, then," John continued, giving the boy an exaggerated wink. He was rewarded with the flash of a dimple and a soft giggle. "All we have to do is move to a booth."
"Are you sure? You don't have to do this."
"I want to. That is, if you want to stay."
Rose found herself nodding, responding to the sincerity in John's eyes. In the past, other men had tried to use her son to score points with her but she'd always seen through their act. Somehow, with John, she had no doubt that he meant what he said. He truly wanted them to stay.
"I'd like that very much," she said simply.
***************
As the evening progressed, conversation flowed easily between them. They purposely kept the mood light, steering clear of news headlines or other distressing topics. Instead, they shared funny work-related stories and discussed some likes and dislikes. They soon realized, with some amusement, that they didn't seem to have much in common on the surface. He was partial to beer while she preferred white wine. He loved jazz music while she maintained that all jazz sounded the same to her. He enjoyed swimming and horseback riding. She was more inclined to sink than swim, having always been afraid of the water. And the nearest she'd come to sitting on a horse was, well, never.
It soon became an impromptu game to try to find some mutual interests and Joshua was delighted to join in.
"I like pizza!" he piped up, waving the evidence in the air with one hand; a half-eaten slice. "Mommy likes pizza too. Do you like pizza?"
"Yes, I do," John replied, chuckling at the boy's contagious enthusiasm. It hadn't taken long for Joshua to become comfortable with him again and now he was a regular chatterbox.
"Ahh, but what do you like on your pizza? You do realize this could be the deciding factor in whether or not our relationship progresses, so I would choose wisely." Swirling her fettuccine around on the fork before popping it into her mouth, Rose grinned at him.
John pretended to look perturbed. "Gee, no pressure or anything." He looked over at Joshua, who was now standing on the seat of the booth, practically climbing over the table to get his attention.
Rose automatically opened her mouth to tell her son to sit down but then closed it again, the words unspoken. She was curious to see what he was going to do. Once again, she was amazed at how Joshua was responding to John. His usual shyness seemed to melt away in this man's presence.
John leaned across the table to meet the boy halfway. Joshua cupped one hand to the side of his mouth, motioning with his other hand for John to come closer. Seeing how serious the boy looked, he arranged his features in a similarly straight-faced fashion.
"Say you like pepperoni," Joshua whispered, his breath a small puff of warmth against John's ear.
John nodded in understanding. "I like pepperoni," he stated, pausing to listen to the next bit of coaching. "And mushrooms. And double cheese. And little black circles."
He gave Joshua a questioning look after reciting the last item.
"Black olives," Rose translated, amused by her son's antics. Joshua was looking quite pleased with himself.
"Right. Well, do I pass the test?"
"With flying colours. Maybe we have more in common than we realize."
"I think you're right."
Their gazes met and held for a moment, their smiles mutual.
The waiter approached the table and asked if they'd like dessert. Joshua promptly announced that he liked chocolate cake and that Mommy liked it too. Did John like cake?
Stating that he did indeed like cake, John ordered two pieces; one for himself and one for Rose and Joshua to share. After half-heartedly protesting that she was much too full, she ended up eating most of the decadent dessert. Joshua was contented with a few nibbles.
Rose was almost disappointed when the waiter presented them with the bill. It had been a long time since she'd had such an enjoyable time on a date. She didn't want the night to end.
They each held one of Joshua's hands as they slowly walked towards the parking lot. Having talked almost non-stop throughout dinner, they were now enveloped in silence. Joshua had also grown quiet; a sign that he was becoming tired. Although the sky was beginning to darken, there was still enough light to see clearly. There were a few other couples strolling by hand-in-hand, but none of them had a child between them.
Stopping at the edge of the lot, Rose turned to face John. "Thank you for asking us to stay. I had a wonderful time. And so did Josh."
"I had a great time too."
"Would you like to come back to my place for a drink?"
Judging by the slight widening of his eyes, she had surprised him. And she imagined her face had an identical look because she couldn't believe those words had popped out of her mouth. She *never* invited men back to her home on a first date.
"That would be nice," John replied. He watched her carefully, sensing her hesitation. "Are you sure?" He found himself echoing the same question that she had asked at the restaurant.
"I just thought we could talk some more. I...I don't want to give you the wrong idea..." As her voice trailed off, she fervently hoped the fading light was making the redness of her cheeks less visible. But as she raised her eyes to meet John's, she could have sworn she saw the hint of a flush on his face as well.
"I'd like to come by. As long as you're not all talked out."
She shook her head. "Not at all. You?"
"Nope."
Joshua tugged on their hands, the beginnings of a whine in his voice. "Mommy, let's go."
They began moving again and Rose steered them towards her car. She gave John general directions on how to get to her house and he agreed to follow behind her in his Jeep. Traffic was fairly light so he had no problems keeping up with her. Twenty minutes later, he was pulling into the driveway.
Rose had the car door wide open and was leaning across the passenger seat when John came around to her side. "Need some help?" he asked.
She had removed Joshua's seat belt and was struggling slightly, trying to gather him up in her arms. He had fallen asleep on the ride home and was now in that that transitional state of being conscious but not yet fully awake. In her awkward position, she was finding it difficult to lift him up. "Could you, please," she finally relented.
John easily hoisted the boy against his shoulder, and a pair of arms reached up to encircle his neck. Trailing behind Rose, he entered the house and waited while she turned on a couple of lamps. She led the way up a flight of stairs and he followed her into a small bedroom painted sky-blue. While she rummaged around in a drawer, he gently laid Josh on the bed, kneeling down to remove his shoes.
Joshua blinked at him sleepily. "I didn't brush my teeth," he murmured.
"It's okay. You can brush them in the morning," Rose said, placing neatly folded pyjamas beside him.
John stepped back, watching as Rose quickly changed her son into his dinosaur patterned sleepwear. She worked smoothly, finishing the job in no time all. Placing a well-loved teddy bear into his waiting arms, she kissed his cheek, touching her nose to his. "Goodnight, little one."
"'Night, Mommy."
Before leaving the room, she flicked on the small nightlight by the door and gently closed it behind her. She glanced up at John to find him staring at her with a wistful expression. "What?" she asked softly.
He shook his head, uttering a slightly embarrassed laugh. "It's nothing. I was just remembering what it was like to be tucked in at night. It used to make me feel so safe and loved."
Rose could see the flickering emotions in his eyes. There was a depth of pain and sadness there that made her heart go out to him. Part of her wanted nothing more than to place her arms around him and tell him everything was going to be all right. But she held back. She sensed that John was a private person and didn't want to make him uncomfortable.
Making their way back downstairs, she led him into the living room. "What would you like to drink?" she asked, rattling off a few choices.
"Coffee sounds good."
"Regular or decaf?"
"Um, it doesn't really matter. I haven't been sleeping much anyway."
"All right. Just make yourself at home. You can put on a CD, if you keep the sound low. Josh is a heavy sleeper anyway."
As Rose headed towards the kitchen, John took a moment to look around. The house was fairly small but from what he'd seen, it was tastefully decorated and had a cozy feeling. It seemed like more of a true home than the vast grandeur of his grandparents' house where most items were to be admired but not touched.
Almost tripping over the remains of one of Joshua's Lego creations, he carefully stepped around the tiny pieces. Perusing the tall CD tower that was filled to capacity, he was rather surprised by the eclectic range of music he found. No jazz, he wryly noted, but everything else from rock, to country, to classical and opera. Trying to decide on a selection, the only one he could rule out was 'Barney's Greatest Hits'. He hoped that one belonged to Josh.
"Coffee will be ready in a few minutes." Rose came to stand beside him. "What did you pick out?"
"Nothing, yet. Too many choices."
"Perhaps I can make a suggestion, then." She bent down to remove one near the bottom of the tower. "I always find classical to be relaxing. How about a violin concerto?"
"Sure."
The sweet strains of the stringed instrument soon filled the air and Rose adjusted the volume, turning it down a bit. She kicked off her shoes before settling down on the couch, curling one leg beneath her. John kept some distance between them, but sat down so he was turned towards her. They said nothing for a while, simply enjoying the music.
"This sounds familiar," he finally stated. "I think Gamma used to listen to it."
She had to ask. "Gamma?"
"Uh, yeah, it's what I've always called my grandmother. A nickname, I guess."
"So your grandfather is Gampa?"
John almost choked with laughter at the thought. He took a second to compose himself. "No, I'm a little more formal with him. Grandfather is Grandfather."
Rose thought that she much preferred to see his eyes crinkle with humour than be clouded with the sadness she'd glimpsed earlier; even if it was only for a moment. "Kevin mentioned that you're moving out of his place and staying with your grandparents."
"Yeah, I'm just getting organized. I'll be doing that tomorrow."
He told her a little about the carriage house and what the Carter estate was like. Listening intently, she then asked how he'd been spending his time away from work. He described his futile search for an apartment and how that had led him to his decision to stay at the guest house.
Rose settled back into the couch, propping her chin against her hand. "Well, I've probably asked you enough questions for one night. Sorry, I don't mean to pry so much."
"That's okay. I find it easy to talk to you. I want to talk to you," he admitted. Strange but true. At a time when he was pushing others away, he wanted to let her in. He felt drawn to her in an inexplicable and powerful way.
"You must have some questions for me. There's an obvious one that I'm surprised you haven't asked yet." With most men she'd dated, that question had always been a forerunner.
"Where is Joshua's father?"
"That's the one." She looked down, brushing at a wrinkle in her dress. "It's not a secret, but I don't always tell the truth," she confessed. "If I find the guy's a real jerk on the first date, I sometimes say I'm married and that my husband is insanely jealous. That usually avoids any mention of a second date."
"And what version of the truth will you tell me?" John asked quietly.
She didn't answer right away. Not many people knew the whole story of Joshua's father. But before long, she found herself talking about how she'd met Geoff Alliston in college. She'd been mesmerized by his charm and the way that he'd doted on her, attending to her every want and need. It hadn't taken long for her to fall completely in love with him and along with having classes together, they'd spent their nights together too.
She'd never been concerned that he drank heavily. All her college friends had drank and partied back then. She'd also failed to notice that Geoff's temper seemed to change when he'd been drinking. Didn't most people get a little moody after tossing back a few?
"So basically I was young and stupid and couldn't see what was happening in front of my face. When I got pregnant, I was actually ecstatic. I envisioned the two of us getting married and living happily ever after. But Geoff didn't react quite the way I expected. He totally lost it. He beat me up so badly I ended up in the hospital. I was lucky that I didn't lose the baby because he'd managed a good kick to the stomach too."
Enough years had passed that she was able to relate most of this saga in a calm and controlled way. But even now, when she thought of how close she had come to losing Josh, an involuntary shudder ran through her.
Taking a breath, she continued on, her gaze focused on her lap. "He came to visit me in the hospital. Told me he'd been drunk and out of control and that he hadn't meant to hurt me. Can you believe that?" She uttered a short, humourless laugh. "He begged me to forgive him but I refused to have anything to do with him. I dropped out of college and disappeared for a while. At first, I was afraid that he would try to find me but he left me alone. I was lucky to have great friends that helped me out while I was pregnant and after Josh was born."
"And where is Geoff now?"
As John asked the question, he was surprised his voice sounded so normal. He felt a mixture of emotions right now, the predominant one being fury against the man who had hurt her so terribly. Working in the ER, he'd treated far too many women who'd been abused by the men in their lives. While it had never failed to raise his protective instinct, he'd never felt it as strongly as he did now. He had no doubt that he would do serious harm to Geoff Alliston if they were ever in the same room together.
"He's dead," Rose replied bluntly. "I never saw him again but I heard that it was accidental. He was at a party with friends by the lake. Drinking was involved, of course, and somehow he drowned. I never got all the details."
Silence stretched between them once more, and Rose found it difficult to look John in the eyes. She wasn't sure what she would find there. When she felt the warmth of his hand covering hers, she finally had the courage to meet his gaze.
"I think you're one of the strongest women I know." He spoke quietly and from the heart.
"No, I'm not."
"You are. And to have raised such a terrific son by yourself is a real credit to you."
She allowed herself a tiny smile. "He is great, isn't he. I thank God everyday for giving me that child."
John began stroking her hand with the pad of his thumb, the slight roughness of it a contrast against her silky skin. He imagined how his other hand would feel at the nape of her neck, entangled within the smooth, dark curls. He unconsciously began to lean towards her, an invisible magnet pulling him closer.
Rose watched his thumb trace a pattern over the back of her hand, circling above her knuckles and down again. How could she possibly get such a feeling of delight over something so simple? Looking back up into his eyes was a mistake. One could easily get lost in those deep brown depths. Besides, hadn't she been the one who had said they were only going to talk? Her breath caught in her throat as he bent towards her.
"Mommy?"
It took her a second to react as her son's voice penetrated the fog. She recognized that tone. He must have awoken from a nightmare. Withdrawing her hand with regret, she went to the foot of the stairs. Joshua peered down at her from between the railings above, hugging his bear tightly. "Did you have a bad dream?" At his affirmative nod, she said, "Go back to bed, sweetie. I'll be there in a minute."
"I think this is my cue to leave."
Rose turned to look at John. "Sorry. Bad timing. And you know what else? I forgot the coffee."
"Guess I'll have to take a raincheck." He smiled and then grew serious. "Rose, I'd like to see you again."
*Me too* The words resounded in her head but she didn't respond immediately.
He could almost hear the seconds ticking away. "Rose?" Her extended silence started to worry him. Was it possible she didn't feel the same way?
Giving her head an almost imperceptible shake, she gave him a reassuring smile. "Yes, I'd like that." From the concerned look on his face, she could see he was doubting her sincerity. Standing on tiptoe, she kissed his cheek. "Thank you for being such a good listener, John. And truly, I do want to see you again."
After saying goodnight, she closed the door and locked the bolt, her mind a jumble of scattered thoughts. *What have I gotten myself into?* she fretted.
"Are you coming, Mommy?"
"I'm coming," she called out.
She would worry about it later. Right now, she had to concentrate on chasing away the bad demons that sometimes invaded the dreamworld. She only wished the evils of the real world could be frightened away as easily.
~*~*~*~*~*~*
Give me all your disappointments
I'll give you my secrets
We could lay our heads down
Or be forever sleepless
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